Then there was one disabled comment, I enabled it and saw that someone had posted “this is bs” (the full version of the words). The post had been live for less than 24 hours.
Let me take you through my range of emotional responses— hurt, wtf, anger, sadness and despair. Was I going to write anything again for public consumption? Then, I had an epiphany, the response was weird, given the perimeters I selected for boosting the post. I chose, meditation and prayer; two spaces where one would hope for kind and gentle people. My husband is in cyber security so I shared the post with him. He asked me how far did I want to take it. We could do a reverse IP search and see where it came from. He could employ a few more resources, or make some phone calls and let it spiral…. Not very higher plane of me.
I decided to just look this guy up for myself to see what his deal was. I went to the guy’s page to see that he had no friends, no posts, and one picture of “the guy” with the heads severed off of recently hunted deer. I could be wrong, but I don’t think he’s meditating with sound. I had been attacked by a canned troll; basically a bot. Even knowing the comment came from a bot, I stewed and well decided I had to write about it in some way, because I know many times, the nastiness that is social media, comes from living breathing people, who are hell bend on spewing their anger and hurt. It’s taken me a little while to put something on paper (fear), I think this is version three or four as I went through my emotional processing. This journey led me to an obvious conclusion. I think we can be better stewards of humankind, when we are social media consumers.
Anger came from the violation. Fear came from the sense of helplessness. But once I realized that I wasn’t helpless, the fear subsided. Then the next level was understanding. I came to the understanding that my tiny practice for healing had attracted the attention of some paid malicious actor. For some company to go out of their way to try to discourage little ol’ me, that was truly saying something. I must be on to something good, I must be doing something right. I’m not so enlightened that I’m willing to thank this hate spewer. But I do feel good in knowing that my message is reaching those for whom this resonates (slight pun).
I am not a major social media consumer anymore. I used to FB, posting kid pics and joining groups that raged against the machine. But then I decided that yes, my kids are still cute, but a husband in cyber security makes you change the way you interact, and how much you’re willing to share. And my machine rages turned into hoping to make a space for like minded people to heal from the rage instead of leaning into it.
We are so busy in our lives that we are actually isolated from each other. Being online makes us feel connected, sometimes in fake ways “ think “long lost friends” who only post about their new ___________”, and sometimes in profound gatherings of like minded people ( think Meetup or Patreon).
I am going to keep on blogging and praying that if I make a path for finding balance through sound, even the sound of your own voice in your head as you read this, then troll or no troll, I am going to put my thoughts and healing tools into the webverse. I am creating a space online for those of you who want to explore sound healing as a centering practice. It’s difficult to make time for ourselves, putting “I’m going to a sound bath” this week in the schedule, but online, you can tune in live or listen to it at a different time (before it expires). I am still working out the details but it’s coming to a loving, healing webspace near you. And to the trolls, I’ll leave you with the words of Helen Steiner Rice — If everybody brightened up the spot where they are standing, by being more considerate, and a little less demanding. This dark old world would very soon eclipse the evening star, if everybody brightened up the corner where they are!